A woman’s life’s not fair.
There is so much trouble,
So much frustration out there.
Something’s needed against dissatisfaction,
Something that will provide compensation.
She needs to take some therapeutic action.
So what’s a woman to do?
Go out and buy new shoes.
Her husband can’t get out of bed.
He never cleans out the shed.
Has too much whisky in his head.
Her daughter is so sassy;
Is calling her too bossy.
Don’t forget: she was once such a lassie.
Her son is doing poor in school;
And is always acting like a fool:
On top of that, he thinks that’s cool.
Her mother’s meddling is such a bother.
She feels like she is being smothered.
Now she herself is becoming more like her own mother.
So what’s a woman to do?
Go out and buy new shoes.
Her best friend is such a drama queen;
A lady who always wants to be seen!
Her constant chatting wants to make you scream.
She can’t get ahead at work.
Because her boss is such a jerk.
It’s enough to make her go berserk.
She gets more votes for president than him,
But Trump wins; it’s a sin.
It’s a not fair, that U.S. electoral system.
So what’s a woman to do?
Go out and buy new shoes.
She always struggles with her weight.
But when the day is done and it is late,
She has to eat one more After Eight.
As the years pass and unfold;
She often feels hot and cold.
She realizes that she too is getting old.
Her automobile just won’t start;
What’s the matter with this old cart?
Filling it with fuel – that would be smart.
So what’s a woman to do?
Go out and buy new shoes.
Her house is the oldest in town.
The appliances are always breaking down.
Why can’t she just be a Queen with a crown?
In her purse, she can’t find anything;
Especially when her cell phone rings.
But then she does find her long-lost wedding ring.
The bank says she is broke.
She is trying to no longer smoke.
And the ankle strap of her sandals just broke.
So what’s a woman to do?
Go out and buy new shoes.
Her feet hurt when they’re in heels all day.
The pain just will not go away.
But she’ll wear them no matter what they say.
Her closet is full of things to wear;
There is almost no more room in there.
So many shoe boxes everywhere!
But there is something that is grand after all:
Something that is enjoyed by one and all;
And that is the annual Burns Night Ball!
So what’s a woman to do?
Go out and buy new dance shoes.
Everyone! Here’s to the Lassies
– to all the shoes they’ve collected and their support of the leather industry
– to the Lassies!
Presenting the “Toast to the Lassies”.
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